During this time of caring for my mother, many have asked
me how am I doing. Some times I would respond “I’m okay” and other times I would
honestly respond “I don’t know.” Some may think it is unhealthy for me not to
cry or grieve during this time, others may feel that I’m not doing enough,
while others may believe I am strong. The simple truth of the matter is this: my
mother’s honor is my duty. As her daughter, I have a duty to stand by her side.
As her daughter, I have a duty to advocate for her. As her daughter, I have a
duty to care for her with excellence. As her daughter, it is my duty to
love her … unconditionally. As her
daughter, it is my duty to honor her the way she deserves to be honored and the
way she has requested to be honored. My call of duty is to honor her and that
is what matters to me.
If you ask me how I am doing right now, I am going to
honestly tell you “I’m not sure.” Why? Because that is the truth. My only sense of
emotion is my call of duty to the woman who birthed me, made sure I ate, made
sure I had a roof over my head, made sure I received medical care when I
needed, made sure that she protected me by all means and at all costs, and the
woman who I inherited resilience and strength from. Yes, just like any soldier
trained for the battle, I have a call of duty to honor my mom by the way I love
her and by the way I live my life. Am I going to be perfect at it? … ha … if
you have witnessed my growth and development from a little girl to my
adulthood, any of you can attest that I am far from perfect. And I have yet to
achieve perfection. But to love my mother, to care for her, to respect her, to
cherish her, to intercede for her, to carry on for her, to live my life the way
God has called me to … that is the Jenny my mother raised and raising Jenny is
not an easy process. It is a privileged to be called upon. It is a blessing to
be able to love unconditionally. It is an honor to be my mother’s daughter.
Suppressing my emotions? Maybe I am, just a little bit… …
maybe. But I do acknowledge the sadness that I feel at times. I do acknowledge
my heart breaking at times. Even in the midst of heartache I must press on, I
must keep pushing. My heart does not have the luxury to be faint. When one has
a sense of duty, there’s a keen focus on executing what’s been called of you.
Don’t get me wrong, even the strong fall some time. My hope
and prayer is that God will continue to surround me with loving people who will
be strong for me, who will intercede for me, who will hold my chin up when I
cannot find the strength to do so, who will speak truth to me even when it is
hard to say so, who will open their arms and hearts and receive my brokenness.
God has been good to me to have placed some of these people in my life already.
I am not strong by my own merit, but rather my strength comes from the Lord, my
God, my heavenly Father. It is no one but him who supplies me with what I need.
Where does my help come from? From the Lord. (Psalms 121)
Psalms 121 NIV
1
1 I lift up my eyes to the
mountains—
where does my
help come from?
2 My help comes
from the Lord,
the Maker of
heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who
watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he
who watches over Israel
will neither
slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade
at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon
by night.
7 The Lord will keep you
from all harm—
he will watch
over your life;
8 the Lord will watch
over your coming and going
both now and
forevermore.
