"When you seek to obey what God has told you, you will sometimes meet resistance and criticism from others who disagree with the wisdom of your actions. Your immediate response may be the urge to vindicate yourself. However, if you wait patiently, time will reveal the wisdom of your actions far better than you could through argument." - Blackaby Experiencing God Day by Day


This morning I am learning to let go of my own will and desire to vindicate myself. As a woman who has been beat down by the nature of this world, sucker-punched by the hard knock life of being a mother doing her best to raise her son with little resources, slapped in the face by the harsh reality of people being imperfect and not keeping their word, being subjected to the world's scrutiny because I don't meet people's perception of woman or Christian or mother or minister or whatever you want to label me ...  ... ... yeah, sounds painful, BUT one thing I know that is true and THAT IS JESUS is the answer, Jesus is the solution, Jesus is the name above ALL names, Jesus is my healer, my redeemer, my provider, my comforter, my vindicator, my justice, my hope, the truth, the life, the way, ... His name is Power.

We've all be wronged one time or another in life and most of us find it difficult to let go and detrimental to trust again. In the midst of feeling violated we've lost all hope of security. And so we try to build our own security by building walls.

I pray this morning that God will give me the strength and will-power to trust with the understanding that God is in control and that all I have to do is #trust and #obey (for there's no other way...). I pray that God will tear down the walls that I have built up to protect my fear and insecurity of trusting others. Because God's mighty power is at work in my life and so I have no fear. I am reassured time after time that God is all powerful and His love goes beyond anything that man can do or fathom. I pray that God will be a shield about me, protecting my mind, my heart, my body, and my spirit; that my wisdom is not my own but that it comes from the Lord, that my heart and my mind be in alignment and discern what is from my heavenly Father and what is not of Him, that my body be kept holy and purified, set apart for the work that God has destined me to do. I extend this prayer to all my sisters and brothers in Christ, that they too may learn to let go and trust in the Lord full heartedly.

GO!

How often do we hear the word “GO!” and have no idea what to do? And how often do we hear the word “GO!” immediately proceed only to find that we’ve hit a wall? I can raise my hand and attest to both of these scenarios. Sometimes when we believe God has called us to somewhere, to some place, to someone, to something, and it doesn’t pan out the way we ourselves envision it, we think that we made a mistake in hearing him. This is not the case. God does not let anything go to waste even opportunities and experiences. This is all the more why we must be open to receive the Holy Spirit and allow the Holy Spirit to move in us, with us, and through us. God will always equip you for the call. Allow him to prepare your heart, your spirit, you mind, and your body so that when He calls you to “GO!” you know without a doubt what you need to do, where you need to go, and how you need to proceed.

Her Honor is My Duty

During this time of caring for my mother, many have asked me how am I doing. Some times I would respond “I’m okay” and other times I would honestly respond “I don’t know.” Some may think it is unhealthy for me not to cry or grieve during this time, others may feel that I’m not doing enough, while others may believe I am strong. The simple truth of the matter is this: my mother’s honor is my duty. As her daughter, I have a duty to stand by her side. As her daughter, I have a duty to advocate for her. As her daughter, I have a duty to care for her with excellence. As her daughter, it is my duty to love her … unconditionally. As her daughter, it is my duty to honor her the way she deserves to be honored and the way she has requested to be honored. My call of duty is to honor her and that is what matters to me.

If you ask me how I am doing right now, I am going to honestly tell you “I’m not sure.” Why? Because that is the truth. My only sense of emotion is my call of duty to the woman who birthed me, made sure I ate, made sure I had a roof over my head, made sure I received medical care when I needed, made sure that she protected me by all means and at all costs, and the woman who I inherited resilience and strength from. Yes, just like any soldier trained for the battle, I have a call of duty to honor my mom by the way I love her and by the way I live my life. Am I going to be perfect at it? … ha … if you have witnessed my growth and development from a little girl to my adulthood, any of you can attest that I am far from perfect. And I have yet to achieve perfection. But to love my mother, to care for her, to respect her, to cherish her, to intercede for her, to carry on for her, to live my life the way God has called me to … that is the Jenny my mother raised and raising Jenny is not an easy process. It is a privileged to be called upon. It is a blessing to be able to love unconditionally. It is an honor to be my mother’s daughter.

Suppressing my emotions? Maybe I am, just a little bit… … maybe. But I do acknowledge the sadness that I feel at times. I do acknowledge my heart breaking at times. Even in the midst of heartache I must press on, I must keep pushing. My heart does not have the luxury to be faint. When one has a sense of duty, there’s a keen focus on executing what’s been called of you.

Don’t get me wrong, even the strong fall some time. My hope and prayer is that God will continue to surround me with loving people who will be strong for me, who will intercede for me, who will hold my chin up when I cannot find the strength to do so, who will speak truth to me even when it is hard to say so, who will open their arms and hearts and receive my brokenness. God has been good to me to have placed some of these people in my life already. I am not strong by my own merit, but rather my strength comes from the Lord, my God, my heavenly Father. It is no one but him who supplies me with what I need. Where does my help come from? From the Lord. (Psalms 121)

Psalms 121 NIV

¹ 

¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

    where does my help come from?

² My help comes from the Lord,

    the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—

    he who watches over you will not slumber;

⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel

    will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord watches over you—

    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,

    nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord will keep you from all harm—

    he will watch over your life;

⁸ the Lord will watch over your coming and going

    both now and forevermore.

Speak Truth, Speak Life

This morning I read this: “Idle words are things we say carelessly, without concern for their impact on others.” (Blackaby, 156). It stirred up some thoughts and feelings inside of me. It led me to ask myself, “Am I being careless with my words? Am I aware of the things I am saying, rather promising? How diligent am I with the words I speak? Does it come from a place of truth?”

The phrase “power of words” continues to haunt me, follow me, rather I feel as though God has placed it on a cycle of forever reoccurrence to remind me constantly how much power words hold. We can speak them. We can think them. We can sing them. We non-verbally express them. Whatever the vehicle we choose to express our inner being, it holds power whether it is truth or not. How often do we really think about the words that are spoken from our mouths, texted with our thumbs, expressed telepathetically or spiritually? ANYONE!?!? Does anyone dissect the truth behind their words? IF words hold so much power why are we not more diligent with what we say?

I often find that when people’s words are being put to the test, words were more easily spoken rather than lived out. It is a constant reminder to me to mean what I say and do what I mean. Should I find myself falling short of my true intentions, I pray that it would be met with enough grace for me to amend those words. My conclusion to this thought provoking moment that is impacting my character right now is this: when you learn to speak truth, it is then you can speak life.

"Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.” Matthew 15:17-20 NIV

Blackaby, Henry T., and Richard Blackaby. Experiencing God Day-by-Day: Devotional. Nashville, TN: B & H Pub. Group, 2006. Print.